How to Hope

One of the hardest obstacles to overcome in life is the loss of hope. Hopelessness is one of the most severe aspects of depression and a big predictor of suicide risk, even bigger than depression and sadness. How can we learn to hope better, even through times of adversity and loss?
In talking with my psychotherapy patients and to individuals and groups, I find that hope is a fundamental aspect of one’s sense of the future. Usually, when things are going well, people will look to the future in a hopeful manner. By this, we mean that they predict successful or good outcomes for themselves and their loved ones.
The hopeful person tends to take an active stance towards his or her fate, they believe that what they do matters. These people believe that whatever may come to be, they will be able to make something good out of it.
What are the mechanics of hope? How can we defeat hopelessness?
Let’s look at hope in terms of expectation. I planted a garden last spring. I tended it, watered and weeded. Some months later, my family and I enjoyed a small but tasty harvest. I have learned something about planning for the future: to harvest in the fall one has to plant in the spring. Hope is like that: it’s an attitude that that has a positive charge that supports movement in a desired direction with an expectation of a positive result.
The word “hope” comes to us from Old English (12th Century) and has German (hoffen) and Dutch (hoop) forms. Some language experts connect it with a very similar word that means to jump or hop, suggesting an understanding of hoping as a kind of “leaping in expectation.” We can see this sense in the phrase, “Hope springs eternal.”
One of the ways out of hopelessness is to directly challenge the negative assumptions that nothing can be done, that resistance is futile, or that a certain event should take only one negative meaning, without considering alternative and more positive interpretations of ones situation. When we are able to see the connection between negative thoughts, pessimistic predictions and severe life stresses as causes of depression, helplessness, and ultimately suicidal preoccupation, we can take steps to protect ourselves by cultivating healthy habits and realistic self-assessments and by practicing future-oriented action abilities (such as gardening), based on our own successful experiences in life management.
Clinical experience suggests that there may be age –related differences in hoping styles. The older we get, the more it may seem that “what’s done is done, and it can’t be changed.” A younger individual, facing a loss or a failure, might say, “I’ll never get this right,” or “I’m doomed to be a failure.” Approaching senior citizens with depression, it may make better sense to work on gaining acceptance of what truly cannot be changed and then focusing on developing more positive and forgiving interpretations of what has come to pass. Younger persons may benefit from an emphasis on experimenting with the possibility of eventual success, through strategic behavioral change and by challenging negative trends in thinking that have the effect of sending “red light” signals to their brains, stopping and slowing their responsiveness to the world and creating an upper limit to their success.
In times of fear, great loss and tragedy it may be hard to imagine an eventual positive outcome, for we cannot truly see the future. But, what we have and can rely upon is our ability to share faith, to plant the seeds of hope and to inspire each other, carrying us together through these present painful moments, and ultimately clearing the way for the harvest to be.

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